I had a dream that I lost little Gabriel, only he was somehow also Moses. We were at a medical appointment at a hospital. He was with me in the lobby, and then he wasn’t. I heard his little voice cry out, “Mama”, but just once. I looked and looked, but I had lost him.Continue reading “A Piece of Crap”
Tag Archives: mental illness
Loss
It’s helpful, necessary, and smart. It’s good practice. Also, it’s terrifying. There’s no more solace to be found in the garden these days. “Put them to work with you,” advise the well-intentioned folks who do not understand my reality of the transformation of a tiny farmer that uses a three-quarter-scale shovel to scoop compost intoContinue reading “Loss”
A Hero’s Hand
“Don’t let anyone say that it’s just a game…” A friend mentioned that in just a few weeks, it will be time for pitchers and catchers to report to training camp. He didn’t really have to remind me, though, as I have been looking desperately forward to a fresh season since my befallen heroes hungContinue reading “A Hero’s Hand”
Fostering Words: Love Isn’t Enough, But At Least It’s Something
As a fresh spring chicken of a foster parent, I was given by one of my dearest friends a candy-pink shirt with the words, “Love is Not Enough” boldly stated for all to see. This puzzled me just a bit. “Hmm…we’ll see”, I thought to myself, as I wore it with pride. That was aboutContinue reading “Fostering Words: Love Isn’t Enough, But At Least It’s Something”
The Long Winter
On most nights before the boys go to sleep, we have been reading the Little House books for close to a year now. I love the stories of honesty and simplicity, of struggle and triumph, of bravery and tenacity. Here at the farm, we love tapping our maple trees, picking dandelions and Queen Anne’s laceContinue reading “The Long Winter”
Snow on the Corn and Other Things that Just Don’t Seem Right
I guess you only get so many chances, at least in this life. Nancy, my favorite chicken, went quietly in the early morning cold of All Soul’s Day. She had never really been the same since she had survived the raccoon attack last winter, though she tried her best to keep up with the othersContinue reading “Snow on the Corn and Other Things that Just Don’t Seem Right”
Where We Are: My Medical Cannabis for Autism Update
“I had a great time. Can’t wait until next week.” Well, that was a relief, because the faces he made during the hour-and-fifteen-minute basketball clinic had me believing otherwise. We have come a long way, but we have so far yet to go. Four years ago on this day, I stepped out of character andContinue reading “Where We Are: My Medical Cannabis for Autism Update”
Afterthoughts: A Foster Family
It has been a few years now since my identity has fallen away. It was just a piece of paper, kept in a drawer most days, but it represented so much more than I would ever realize while it tied me to the words written in simple computer-generated letters. We had a family identification number,Continue reading “Afterthoughts: A Foster Family”
The Kindest of Wolves
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not into thine own understanding.” –Proverbs 3:5-6 “Shut up, you stupid idiot, or else I’m going to punch you in the eye.” “Hi, Miss K. I love you.” I am secretly just a bit jealous of the spontaneous embrace that my little boy gave toContinue reading “The Kindest of Wolves”
Circles
“Yesterday, a child came out to wonder”. The voice in my head pleaded, “Don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry on your way to the post office.” I had been unexpectedly emotional since the early morning phone call from the postmaster letting me know that my new chickens had arrived. Chicken keeping, like most everything else, has aContinue reading “Circles”
